Dear Diary,

OMG OMG OMG!!! I went on a date today!

I’m still shaking… it was just so super perfect, right from the very beginning. We went for COFFEE!!!! Diary, you know how much I love coffee. And she likes coffee too! Ugh, so perfect. And then we sat and talked and just gazed into each other’s eyes for like, almost 3 hours!

Oh Diary, she’s so perfectly beautiful. Each time she smiled, I just felt like puking right there because it was so unbelievably perfect. One time, I had to pretend I had to go to the bathroom just so I could throw up (even though we’re meant to be, and she would have totally understood and forgiven me, I don’t think that’s proper for a first date).

But oh boy! Teeth, skin, eyes (2!) hair (real!) arms (not prosthetic!!!) I think this is the girl for me. Like, and we really talked. About real things, too, none of that gossipy bullshit. I hate it when people talk behind their friend’s backs. We were having very serious and complex conversations about celebrities, and guns, and we even threw in some politics (we were in a coffee shop. Have to keep up appearances!)

I’m sure you can see how excited I am, Diary! I think it’s best I don’t ask her to marry me until at least the third date. I’m sure I’ll get to hold her hand by then, and I don’t think that after that kind of pure unadulterated physical contact she would ever be able to turn me down…

Yours truly,









© 2009

Dinner Enema Oy Vey!

Charlie Naramore

Photo by Charlie Naramore